Fryin’ Friday

1. If you are in the US, is the heat wave affecting your area? If not in the US, do you get heat waves where you are?

Aside from the normal things people are doing to beat the heat, Columbus has this really weird cult thing that runs around, especially around the OSU campus where I spend a lot of my time. On Monday they started marching around in their robes. Usually, they're in two side-by-side lines marching in step, but sometimes they just stop and start screaming and hollering at the sun. It's really, really weird.

2. What do you do to beat the heat?

I run as fast as I can anywhere I go, and when I'm staying in a hot place I just run in circles. This creates the wind chill effect, and I can drop my temperature by like ten degrees.

3. Are you more of a heat person, or do you like the cold?

I like the cold, mostly because my hands are numb when I'm beating ass.

Feast One Hundred & Five

Appetizer
Name an actor or actress you think is totally underappreciated.

James Earl Jones. I got to eat lunch with him at some banquet one time. Now I'm not one who talks much, but my cowoker who was sitting with me, across for him, certainly does. He asks him, "Yo James E, got any movies coming out?" And this sad look kind of struck his face. He looked at my friend sternly and said, "I am but a voice, not an image." Sad.

Soup
Impress us by using a big word in a sentence.

I'm looking for a man named Jeremy.

Salad
What is something inanimate that you've given a name to (such as a pet rock)?

It must've been three or four years ago when I was eating at a nice restaurant with my girlfriend of that time. "I can do a magic trick," I told her. I'd been practicing this thing where I pull a french fry from out of her nose, then her ear, and then, well, her breasts. So I start it, and with the first two, she looks very unamused. I wonder, momentarily, if I should continue. Why the hell not, I say. So I blow into my left hand and reach over to her cleavage, startling her. She stands up, flips the table at me, and runs off.

Of course, now the rest of the patrons are staring at me, and I'm covered in steak and pasta and wine and silverware. Then something caught my eye. She left her purse. So I take the purse and name it "Tomodati" (Japanese for friend) and for several weeks it supplies me with money. That's what friends do.

What ex-girlfriends do is call and demand their purse be returned. And what I do is vehemently deny that I ever had it.

Main Course
What color would best represent your personality and why?

Orange. It's the color of carrots, and I'm wise. It's the color of the sunset, and I'm beautiful. It's the color of oranges, and I'm juicy. It's the color construction signs, and I'm under construction. It's the color of agent orange, and I'm yummy.

Dessert
Fill in the blanks: ____________ is so ____________.

Dogs is so Specials.

Shop-a-holic

1. What are your five favorite stores?

2. Is there any store you absolutely hate going to?

3. Do you pay with cash, credit, debit, or something else?

4. Do you prefer to shop in person or online?

5. In the last six months, what single purchase has been the most important to you?

1. In no specific order...

Sears. It has just about everything you could want from furniture to clothes to, best of all, tools. They're at every mall, and they accept discover card. On top of that, what better way to enter a mall. I mean, don't you feel a little guilty if you enter through the Kauffman's, or the food court?

K-mart. They're the underdawg (yes, that's how I spell dog, damn it) of the super store industry, and it seems there just isn't room for them anymore. Oh well, you have to root for the underdogs, or else you're a bastard.

Circuit City. Man, fuck Circuit City. How can you have a store with only four aisles and a couple computers. How did it even get into my top five?

Porn stores, in general. No explanation needed.

Wasserstrom, restaurant supply store. Man, it doesn't matter if I need a half-pan for some kick-ass cookies, a whisk the size of Samuel L. Jackson's arm, or an obsolete ash tray, they have whatever I could possible want for a rate you can't beat anywhere (except maybe your local hustler). Restaurant supply stores rock.

2. I. Hate. Going. To. Wal-Mart.

It starts in the parking lot. You're driving in, but you can't just drive, you have to drive behind walking people because they're totally unaware that you're there. They might as well be blindfolded and ear-muffed. Hell, have them put their head on a baseball bat and spin around three times before you send them into the lot. It's that bad. And the cars are just as bad, roaming around the parking lot with complete disregard for lines, traffic, or even people. I wonder how many accidents occur in Wal-Mart parking lots yearly.

Once you're inside, the traffic problems persist. The aisles are narrow, and that large lady just has to stand in the center of the aisle to examine the pile of back-to-school folders, or that bear holding up a welcome sign. Children are screaming, and people run into you. Some people aren't even there to buy things... they're just there.

3. I always pay with cash. I don't trust computers. Just ask Stephen Hawking...

4. It's gotta be in person. I want to see the person who's selling me stuff. I need to know whose ass to beat if something is messed up. Best I can do online is send an angry e-mail and tell them if I were there I'd beat their ass.

5. Air conditioner. It's damn hot.

Popcorn

Do you prefer the yellow kernel popcorn, or the white kernel? What do you put on your popcorn?

I can't say I've ever had a preference or noticed a difference, but my friend Robbie sure did. He'd say, "Sean, c'mon man. You gotta eat the yellow ones." And I'd just shake my head no and tell him I didn't care. "Dude," he'd say, "They're so much better... They're authentic." Like I knew what the hell that was supposed to mean. But Robbie did this shit all the time.

So one time, the two of us were drunk at my place, and we were going to watch this movie, Ten Things I Hate About You, so I made some popcorn. Of course, it's the white kind, and as soon as he eats it he gets this look on his face. He can tell, you know? He can fucking tell. "I told you not to feed me that shit," he said. "I fucking told you."

So I just went nuts. "Fuck you. My popcorn ain't good enough for you? You want yellow popcorn." So, I know it's a little cliched, but I pissed on it. "There you go, asshole."

Last time I ever saw the bastard.

I like butter on my popcorn, and salt.

Summer Reading

1. Do your reading habits change for the summer months?


2. If so, how?
   

They do, but it's more of a mathematics thing. I alternate, monthly, between reading romantic fiction and then straight-up erotica. So if I'm jumping back and forth between two items, and there are three months in the summer, then I am reading one of the genres for twice as long as the other. In my case, it's erotica. To sum it all up, I read erotica for two months and romantic fiction for one month in the summer and winter. In spring and fall it's the opposite, of course.

Life's Little Headaches

1. Have you ever had a migraine headache? If yes, do you get them often? How long do they last? How do you get rid of them?

2. What's the one thing in your life that stresses you out the most? Why? How do you handle it?

3. What's your worst personal habit (biting your nails, not putting stuff away, etc)? How do you work on making it better?

Bonus Question for Comments: How was your day yesterday? What did you do?

1. I have had a migraine headache only one time. One of my girlfriends and I had a big fight because she thought she was the top shit. Oh no, no she wasn't. But, as is usually the case, she was a better fighter than me. She punched me in the stomach until I puked, and then punched me some more. I lay on the ground when she left, and after an hour or so I got up, head pounding and hurting more than I could have imagined. What I found most peculiar was that I could get a headache from being hit in the stomach. I took my frustration out by punched the brick walls in the basement until my hand hurt, overshadowing the headache.

2. I get very, very, very stressed out when I'm picking out my clothes in the morning. I mean, every day is a new day, and your clothes have to be chosen appropriately. I have to go through the day, or at least the approximation of what my day may be, and decide what's going to suit me best. The worst is, sometimes you have two totally different situations staring you down, like one time I was going to go to work, but also having lunch. I wanted cool blues for lunch, since it was hot outside, but I wanted some fiery orange to show how hard a worker I am. Life is comprimise, and so are clothes, I guess. There were only a few occassions where I've had to resort to changing clothes more than once in a day.

3. My worst personal habit? Well, I don't have any that are too bad, but I guess the worst is that I save my fast food cups. I mean, hey, you never know when you're going to need a cup. So maybe it isn't that bad in and of itself, but my roommates have been getting pissed at me. I put the cups in the dishwasher and they fall apart and get all over the other cups. I'm always like, "Sorry, dude. It's habit." I'll learn, though. I always learn... eventually.

Bonus: Yesterday I slept the whole damn day. It was good.