Popcorn

Do you prefer the yellow kernel popcorn, or the white kernel? What do you put on your popcorn?

I can't say I've ever had a preference or noticed a difference, but my friend Robbie sure did. He'd say, "Sean, c'mon man. You gotta eat the yellow ones." And I'd just shake my head no and tell him I didn't care. "Dude," he'd say, "They're so much better... They're authentic." Like I knew what the hell that was supposed to mean. But Robbie did this shit all the time.

So one time, the two of us were drunk at my place, and we were going to watch this movie, Ten Things I Hate About You, so I made some popcorn. Of course, it's the white kind, and as soon as he eats it he gets this look on his face. He can tell, you know? He can fucking tell. "I told you not to feed me that shit," he said. "I fucking told you."

So I just went nuts. "Fuck you. My popcorn ain't good enough for you? You want yellow popcorn." So, I know it's a little cliched, but I pissed on it. "There you go, asshole."

Last time I ever saw the bastard.

I like butter on my popcorn, and salt.