Feast One Hundred & Seven

Appetizer
What color is your car?

My car is red because it's the color of blood. I love to drive, and when I drive I want it to be a life-extension of me.

By that logic, I am also a Ford :-/

Soup
If you could wake up tomorrow with full training in another occupation and a job in that field, what would it be?

I would like to be a guidance counselor. Then I could use my skills to properly answer this question.

Salad
How many times in your life have you had the flu (or something similar)?

More times than I can count.

The worst time was when I was visiting my uncle, Jeffery, who lived in Kentucky. I got what they called The Finger Flu which supposedly had to do with the little finger on my left hand. Jeffery, always up to date on home-remedies, decided that the best way to cure my sickness would be to amputate the said finger.

I'll tell you what, cured me just like that. Like I needed that finger anyways.

Main Course
What is something that has happened to you this week that you didn't expect?

If you've read my other blog, then you'll know there was a girlfriend who beat the shit out of me a year or two back. She died in a car accident on Monday. I guess that didn't happen directly to me, but it made me unexpectedly happy.

Dessert
How old were you when you had your first kiss?

Seven. My friend and I sat at the lunch table and he bet me his lunch money that I wouldn't drink a cup of my own urine. Well I'm no wuss, so I did it. Right after that I gave the lunch money to a girl named Rachel in exchange for a kiss. She didn't talk to me for a long time after that.

Versus

Coca-Cola or Pepsi?

I prefer Coca-Cola because of a story my grandpa used to like to tell before he passed away (now that he passed away, he's somewhat indifferent to telling to the story).

Grandpa Greenbek never did like soda pop, so when a young, smug-looking man in a tweed suit visited his house and asked if he'd like to take the Pepsi challenge, my grandpa said no. Well, the tweed suit guy, whose name was Jimmy, or James, or maybe just Jim thought that maybe he should just try a sip. Who knows, he might like it.

Now times were different then, because in todays world if you lay a guy out you'll be paying him the big bucks because of some big law suit, but in his time it was just his way of saying no means no. So ol' Pappy Greenbek laid down the signature Greenbek Hammer, then pissed on the bloodied mess that had oh-so-recently been Jimmy, or James, or Jim. "Take the piss challenge," he yelled at him. "How's that taste?"

Oh yeah, Pappy Greenbek was a great man, and he hated Pepsi so now I like Coke.

3x Thursday: 08/17/y2k+6: Animals

1. What's your favorite animal (This doesn't have to be a mammal, mind you!)? Why?

Why that, of course, would be the koala. As a kid I was well-travelled. When I was just a boy, my familly took me to Australia and everywhere we went I saw these little koala bears just sitting around in trees eating their eucalyptus leaves. So I keep complaining to my dad about how lazy these dumb creatures are, and he finally asks me why I don't just go beat the shit out of one.

So I try it, and the thing scratches the shit out of me. I have to go to the emergency room and get stitches everywhere... I mean everywhere. Ever since, I've respected the koala more than any other animal.

2. If you could come back as any animal, what would it be? Why?

A koala, because I've beatin' enough ass to earn an easy life.

3. As pets, Betta fish live in vases or bowls by themselves. Do you suppose they have stressful lives ever? How so/how not?

Have you ever tried living in an all-glass room? It's pretty fun.

Bonus Question for Comments: Are you glad your're a human being instead of, say, an amphibian? Why/why not?

Yes, because I'm not a dumb fuck.

Curious as a Cat 30

What place in or on your body is the center of your emotional being?

Definately my head. I was recently at a golf outing with my boss and I hit this great shot down the fairway, on course for a birdie. Then this dickhead drove over my ball with his golf cart and my boss said it was a one-stroke penalty. I got so pissed that my hat caught on fire. My boss wasn't surprised.

When are you a copycat?

When it comes to poetry I am a total copy cat. Check out this poem I wrote.

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.