Heads Or Tails #17 - Mark

For those of you who don't know, I recently graduated college and I've just started my budding career, ready to climb the corporate ladder. I'm certain that many of you readers are already well on your way, and perhaps some of you haven't even started yet. Whatever the case, I'm off to good start.

One strategy I've taken is straight out of the instinctual text book: marking my territory. I started out with hand-me-down equipment, like an old crummy computer, and 4-walled cubicle (I have to take down a wall to get in) a hundred and one pencils with the erasers used up. I found that by urinating on the things I want, however, eventually people would gather a distaste for the items and give them up.

I've only been working a few months, and I already have the fastest computer, the nicest pens, and a kick-ass leather chair. Only down side is that my cube smells like piss. :-/

Parenting choice

If you could be the parent of one famous person, who would you want it to be?

Jim Gaffigan convinced me that being the father of the Pope would be totally awesome.

Manic Monday for November 19, 2007

What is your least favorite day of the week and why?

This one's hard because they're all my favorite! Actually, this raises the question: Is there an antonym for favorite? As far as nouns go... not so much.

What's the best way to end the day?

The best way to end the day is with a full-hearted high-five. I've been a big advocate of bringing back the high-five, and with good reason. I mean, would you rather end your day with a hug, or a handshake. Then again, sex might be better than a high five.

All right, I'll change my answer to hot, wild sex.

Which animal would you have left out of the ark?

Are you kidding me? The damn dinosaurs. I'm sure God's plan was to have all the animals of old reproduce in the new world. I can't even guess how many species were eradicated from existence before Noah managed to throw the thunder lizards off his ship.

Word association

Someone says now and I think

deadline
hurry
time

So, tell us, what do you think when I say now?

*yawn*

3x Thursday: 11/08/y2k+7: Randomness

1. Weather you have kids or not, if you were given a kid to take care of (say, it *had* to go to you for whatever reason), would you raise it? Why/why not?

I've heard that the human brain is a computer, and I firmly believe this is true, so I'd definitely love to be given a kid to raise. It would surely be better than getting an adult with all its preloaded software. It probably wouldn't even be able to run cool games like Bioshock.

2. How do you feel about pain meds? Do you like them? Do you condone the use of them for anything other than what they were prescribed for? Why/why not?

If the shoe fits, wear it. Pain medication is good for what its prescribed for, but if it works for other purposes, then why not use it? I mean, they could be good substitute for poker chips, or you could give them to your kids with some Elmer's glue to make some macaroni-esque pictures.

3. What's your favorite kid movie? Why?

My favorite kid movie has to be that new James Bond movie, Casino Royale. It's only a year or so old, but its mature beyond its year.

How Many ???

The person before you has asked How Many??? You’ll answer their question in the comments as well as ask the next person a How Many ??? question. The next person answers their question, and asks another, etc…..

Zero. See, earlier tonight I was at a bar and I bet a man all the money in my wallet that he couldn’t name all 150 Pokemon. Well he did.

How many Pokemon can you name?

Hump Day Hunt - Week Ninety-Four

Our word for this week is: Spooky

Fetal Steve

WWYD

What would you do if someone died in your living room?

I believe I would laugh at the irony.

Reputations, would you rather…

Be the person next door or the fantasy person that appears unattainable? (explain)

I actually just got one of those crazy letters about my neighbor. You know, the ones that tell you that someone in your neighborhood is a sexual predator. So by some chance or destiny, the two choices are identical to me.

Lie to maintain a “goody-goody” rep or not care what people thought about you? (explain)

After he invented the first light bulb, Jefferson Davis declared, "We can show ourselves by the light we shine." I certainly care what people think about me, but I most definitely do not want that "goody-goody" rep. This requires me to tell stories that make me sound serious, like how I once stole a pirate's plunder. See, I didn't really steal his plunder, but I did poop in his treasure chest. I wish I could see his face when he opens it.

Go back in time to undo your mistakes or deal with the mistakes and learn from it? (explain)

I wish I could go back in time. A post birth abortion has more serious consequences than the alternative.

Be friends with people that make you look good or people that make you appear to have an edge? (explain)

My spherical figure has been the subject of jokes from friends and strangers alike, so I'd very much prefer to be with friends who make me appear to have some sort of edge.

Stay friends with a person that betrays you or break it off and not give her/him another chance? (explain)

I would never 'break it off.' I'm perfectly content the way I am. I would probably break up with the woman, though.

that’s my answer! (November 5)

If you could go back and tell your 13-year-old self one thing about the future, what would you say?

The sandwich bag didn't work. Have fun dropping out of school and working the rest of your life.

Manic Monday for November 5, 2007

Describe yourself in one word:

YES!

What is your favorite kitchen utensil and why?

While it may seem as though the obvious answer is spork, spork is actually the only wrong answer. It's biggest proponents I'm sure would argue that being the bastard-son of a spoon and fork gives you the scooping ability of a spoon, with the stabbing ability of the fork. Those of us living in reality, though, can see that while it does in fact do both of these things, it does both of them poorly. Think about it. It's probably about as dumb as the Swiss army knife.

That said, the best utensil by far is, as Laura suggested, tongs. Now, admittedly, I was at first skeptical. I mean, why give up five ingeniously designed manipulating appendages for two rigid rods with a single degree of freedom? And then I tried to pick up a hamburger off my grill, and it all became so clear.

What is the one thing that frightens you the most about growing old?

The scariest thing about me growing old is kids growing old. They (who?) say children are our future, and because we all have to die someday, it turns out they're right.

I remember, in the not too distant past, adults telling me that I'd be taking over the world someday. Now that I can deal with. I mean, I'm pretty smart, confident, and I think that the world is in the good hands of me and my peers.

Now that I, myself, am an adult, the idea of kids running the world scares me out of my wits. Have you seen kids, lately? All they do is suck on bottles, or climb around on monkey bars. Many of them can't spell, and most are just completely aloof. Then again, as far as the White House is concerned, that could be an improvement.

Now a word from our sponsor....

Suppose you could eliminate television commercials but still had to fill the time slots. What would you choose to replace the commercials?

I hear they're actually doing this all over Europe using government-funding to take over the time slots. The would-be commercial time is instead displaying useful information to supplement traditional education. Right now it's all kind of random, I think. You might be watching Melrose Place in France, and then get a five minute dose of Poisson statistics. Or maybe between dramatic moments in the latest Survivor series when your in Germany you'll get a quick lecture on the history of the automobile.

Like I said, this is a great idea, but it definately can be improved upon. The first inclination would be to make these lessons related to the programming. I think this is actually the wrong way to go about it, though. What we need to do is fill in the gaps in the viewers education. If he's watching animal planet, the last thing he needs to learn about is biology. Let's teach this fellow about fractals. If someone's watching the history channel, then during the break they can learn about photosynthesis, or how a Carnot engine works.

Europe's on the right track, as usual. But also, as usual, we Americans can do it better.